Haiku Horoscopes

Reality shows
Mean your fifteen minutes are
Getting cut to five

Grey skies are going
To clear up, so give thanks to
Zeus, Lord of the Skies

Sorry to say, but
Those kittens and that yarn are
Just not rock and roll

That candy heart is
The closest that you will come
To finding true love

Things could always be
Worse, like, maybe you could have
Two bears humping you

Keep Music Coming
It will be lousy, soulless
Music, but that’s life

The Hollywood Hills
Are calling your name—wait, your
Name is not Cocaine!

Now that you own your
Own exercise equipment
Sit back and eat pie

Just relax this week
Things will go as easy as
Madonna herself

Nothing like the Great
Outdoors to make you value
Air conditioning

You can have the pen
I will take the sword, and we’ll
Settle this dispute

The forecast this week
Is ugly with no chance of
Erotic showers