Haiku Horoscopes

In ancient times, seers
Said a lot of things, mostly
Bad stuff about you

You can have the pen
I will take the sword, and we’ll
Settle this dispute

Don’t let yourself be
Held back by simple things like
Angry policemen

It takes skillz to be
One of those rappers who just
Repeats the last word

You’ll feel better in
The morning, when you have lost
All your self-respect

Your fate has been sealed
Though you struggle, you will be
Sold a new toothbrush

Why not take a trip
While you’re gone I’ll watch your house
As it is burgled

There’s a time for peace
And a time to steal a cow
And get what’s comin’

You have no excuse
For that hole in the ozone
And the platypus

Sometimes you have to
Fight dirty, and other times
It is just more fun

They say that you can’t
Take it with you but you will
Prove them wrong again

Enjoy the small things
In life, but keep an eye on
That evil squirrel